Your Holistic Medicine Chest

I'm really nervous about this flu season, and the baby and the rest of us getting sick. Besides getting a flu shot, what can we do?

Conventional medicine is great for things like stitching up our daughter's hand the time she accidentally cut it open with a steak knife. But when it comes to more subtle, "systemic" matters like preventing colds or recovering quickly if you still get one, we've found more help from nutritional or Chinese health care.

Here are the essentials of our own holistic medicine chest, with a focus on dealing with colds and flus. Of course, you should also do other, sensible practices for turbocharging your immune system, including:

• Eat lots of fresh vegetables

• Eat protein with every meal

• Get as much sleep as possible

• Exercise routinely

• Do what you can to lower your stresses (which suppress your immune system)

• Minimize sugar (which also depresses immune system function)

• Minimize exposure to contagious people

In the Medicine Chest below, we'll describe dosages for a typical woman. Adjust them depending on the body weight of your partner or children.

The Medicine Chest

• Basic MultiVitamin/MultiMineral supplement - Use a supplement that recommends four to six pills a day. For kids, look for flavored tablets or liquid.

• Vitamin A - This is the single best intervention we've come across for colds and flus. Use mycellized vitamin A in liquid form or vitamin A from cod liver oil in gel caps. At the beginning of a cold, take 50,000 International Units (IU) a day for three to five days; do not take more than that since it could be toxic for you. (One drop of vitamin A is about 5000 IU.)

WARNING: Pregnant women or women who have any possibility of becoming pregnant over the next several months MUST NOT TAKE DOSAGES OVER 5000 IU/day, which can lead to birth defects.

• Vitamin C - Routinely take one to two grams a day. Increase to four to ten grams/day at the first sign of a cold (but decrease if you develop diarrhea) and maintain that dose for the duration of the illness before dropping back down.

• Zinc - Often taken as a lozenge for a sore throat.

• Echinacea - Take at the first possibility of an infection (e.g., your son's best friend just got a bad cold) or sign of the sniffles. This herb comes in several forms, just follow the dosage instructions on the packaging. (If you use a liquid tincture, dilute it in a little water unless you want a numb tongue!)

• Chinese herbs - The formula, Gan Mao Ling, can reduce the symptoms and duration of a cold. It's often available in little black "BB" size pills, which are relatively easy for kids to take. Another formula, Bi Yan Pian, is especially good for flus.

• Homeopathy - This is a system of medicine in which a substance is diluted and shaken many times, so that usually there are no molecules of the original material left, perhaps just its "electromagnetic fingerprint." (This is one way of saying that no one really knows how homeopathy works!) Nonetheless, a number of studies have substantiated its benefits, and both of us have experienced many homeopathic successes, sometimes dramatic.

Remedies usually come in the form of little sugar pills, and they cannot do any harm if they don't work, so they're great for children (they were a lifesaver with our daughter's ear infections, but that's another story . . . ).

A single dose typically consists of four or five of the little pills (but more won't hurt you) placed under the tongue to dissolve; try not to eat or drink anything for at least ten minutes before and after taking the remedy. Do not store remedies near anything that produces electrical fields (e.g., microwaves, computers, telephones), and do not use menthol products or coffee during the period you are using a remedy.

Homeopathy relies on being able to identify the correct remedy matched to an individual's exact symptoms. When it works, it's very evident, so if you try a remedy and do not feel noticeably better within twenty four hours, you should probably switch to another one. The most common remedies for the flu are:

§ Oscillococcinum - Take this general-purpose remedy as soon as you're exposed to infection or start to feel symptoms. This remedy typically comes in small vials which can be divided into three or four doses. Initially take one dose every hour, and after about three doses, decrease to about three doses per day.

§ Bryonia Alba and Gelsemium Sempervirens - These remedies are similar to one another, and some homeopaths recommend that people alternate them. However, a subtle distinction is that Bryonia is more appropriate for a particularly irritable person, while Gelsemium would be more for the flu victim whose dominant experience is fatigue. Also, Bryonia is used when a person feels worse if she moves, so symptoms like "it hurts when I cough" might lead you to that remedy. Either of these remedies can be used in a potency called "30C," which will be on the bottle following the name, and can be taken every hour for a few hours, then reducing to three times per day.

§ In general, a good plan is to start with the Oscillococcinum at the very beginning, and then if a flu still develops, try Gelsemium or Bryonia.

For more information, we recommend Everybody's Guide to Homeopathic Medicines by Dana Ullman.To Your Health

Besides being an uncomfortable experience, a cold or flu in either your child or yourself can be one more draining experience that tips you further toward developing the Depleted Mother Syndrome, so it's important to do everything you can to prevent them. The best long-term cure for frequent colds and flus is to optimize your own health and well-being. If there is any question about that, we heartily recommend using our book, Mother Nurture (Penguin, 2002), to feel less stressed, stay energetic and replenished, and build teamwork and intimacy with your mate - all of which will help get you through the winter, and beyond, in great shape.

(Rick Hanson is a clinical psychologist, Jan Hanson is an acupuncturist/nutritionist, and they are raising a daughter and son, ages 12 and 14. With Ricki Pollycove, M.D., they are the authors of Mother Nurture: A Mother's Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships, published by Penguin. You can email them with questions or comments at info@nurturemom.com; unfortunately, a personal reply may not always be possible.)

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Losing Weight

It's three years since I became a mom, and I just can't seem to lose about fifteen extra pounds Over the years, .I've tried the usual diets, and they maybe work for awhile, but I always go back to wherever I started. Plus now there's Cassie and we're so busy that it just happens that a lot of the time I grab a bagel or a slice of cold pizza and call it a meal.

About the only semi-positive feature of Jan's long slide into depletion after becoming a mom (you may have read her story in our book) was that she lost a good deal of weight, ending up about twenty-five pounds lighter than she was on her wedding day. But hers was an unusual situation - and she'd have traded the weight-loss "benefit" in a heartbeat for becoming less depleted!

The typical mom weighs about ten pounds more than a woman the same age without children. It's easy to get there: the stress and hurly-burly of raising kids makes us reach for quick comfort foods, and who's got time for preparing super-nutritious meals?!

Sure, you don't want to be a nut about weight loss, whether it's yo-yo dieting or extremes like bulimia or anorexia. But about one woman in three is considered, by current medical standards, to be overweight - and excess weight is associated with many health problems, including diabetes, heart disease, breast cancer, colon cancer, and gallbladder disease. Besides, being overweight can make you feel embarrassed around others, uncomfortable making love, and bad about a fundamental aspect of yourself.

The formula for getting to and then staying at a healthy weight is simple: regular exercise and a high-protein/low-carbohydrate diet. Frankly, anything else is a gimmick. Here's how:

* Three or four days a week, exercise for twenty or thirty minutes to the point that you're sweating. If you did nothing but exercise every other day for half an hour and cut your daily calories by five percent, you'll lose about two pounds a month, or twenty-plus pounds in a year. Plus it will be easier to maintain your weight since now you've got more muscle mass, which uses up more calories, and your overall metabolic rate-how fast your body burns calories-will be greater.

* Eat lots of protein and vegetables, and minimal carbohydrates (e.g., sugar, bread products, pasta). Forget the Food Pyramid: it's an unscientific gimmick perpetrated by the agriculture industry that has led America to be the fattest nation in the world. For resources, look to The Zone Diet by Barry Sears, or the various books on the Atkins diet. And don't get fixated on "low-fat" unless you have significant cardiovascular disease risk factors: We've found that a focus on "low fat" just drives people's intake of carbohydrates up.

This high-protein/low-carbohydrate diet has important benefits besides weight loss: it eliminates gluten foods that many people are allergic to, it helps stabilize insulin metabolism and thus lower the risk of Type II diabetes, and it prompts people to eat more vegetables which are chock full of vital nutrients.

* If you're not pregnant or breastfeeding, try carnitine, a natural nutrient. Carnitine encourages the body to metabolize fat, plus it can boost your energy. Take it in the morning, before eating, following the instructions on the bottle. You can get this supplement on our website, www.nurturemom.com, or at many health food stores.

* Drink at least eight glasses of water a day; besides filling you up, water helps eliminate the toxins in fat cells that are released when you lose weight.

* Know the enemy! Face the fact that certain foods - or food habits like snacking while watching TV - could be addictive for you. The foods that are most addictive - sugar, gluten grains (wheat, oats, rye, and barley), and dairy products - are exactly the ones (alas!) that will put the most pounds on. Plus many people actually have an allergy to these foods as well.

Jan has seen many people lose lots of weight and feel enormously better when they stop eating sugar, gluten, and dairy - it's her primary prescription for weight loss. We know it's a tall order, but try an experiment of a couple weeks and we bet you'll be happy with the results. If you can start to deal with yourself like an addict with regard to these foods, life gets easy. Get them out of your world - like an alcoholic in recovery gets rid of the booze in the garage. Consider Overeaters Anonymous, for general purposes, and check out The False Fat Diet, by Elson Haas, M.D., for how the body can get hooked on foods to which it is actually allergic.

* Be good to yourself. For example, focus more on your health than your appearance. Everyone wants to be healthy, but there are a lot of mixed feelings about beauty. Women who are nice to themselves reach their weight-loss goals with less of a struggle than women who are mad at themselves for "being fat." If you take a little side trip from your personal program-or a major detour through the forbidden continent-don't be harshly self-critical, which just makes diet-busting comfort foods more appealing than ever. Get back on your program the next day.

Try to increase the nice things in the nonfood parts of your life, like more cuddles with your kids, a fantastic new novel, or a deepening of your relationship with your husband. Give yourself rewards along the way, like permission to linger in the shower or a new pair of pants that fit great.

* Avoid relapses. Rebound weight gain is very discouraging; a friend of Jan's once said, sighing, I've lost two hundred pounds, but it was the same twenty, over and over again. Once you've gotten to a weight you like, you could write a letter to yourself-to be opened if you're tempted to overeat-that talks about how good you feel and look when you're trim. If you start down the slippery slope of eating the wrong things, try to have the warning bells ring loudly inside your head; tell someone if you're starting to slip, and go back and do the things that worked for you the last time you lost weight.

(Rick Hanson is a clinical psychologist, Jan Hanson is an acupuncturist/nutritionist, and they are raising a daughter and son, ages 12 and 14. With Ricki Pollycove, M.D., they are the authors of Mother Nurture: A Mother's Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships, published by Penguin. You can email them with questions or comments at info@nurturemom.com; unfortunately, a personal reply may not always be possible.)

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Fats That Are Good for a Mother

I always thought fat was bad, but now I'm reading about "good fats." What should I do?

Essential fatty acids (EFAs) are in the news because they are needed for a healthy heart and brain, plus they are absolutely crucial for the healthy development of a fetus or child. Unfortunately, they are usually deficient in mothers since they are drawn on heavily to grow a baby during pregnancy and breast milk is loaded with them, and most women don't have anywhere near enough to start with. Increasing your intake of one type of EFAs-omega-3 oils found in fish and flax-can help prevent cardiovascular disease, rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, diabetes, and depression. It can also make your hair and skin more moist; dryness, including dandruff, is a potential sign of omega-3 deficiency. And pregnant or breastfeeding women can help the optimal development of their child's brain by getting optimal amounts of these important oils. Here's how to get the good fats you need:

* Do not use refined oils.
* Make virgin olive oil your everyday oil.
* Minimize your use of safflower, sunflower, soybean, and sesame oils.
* Avoid trans-fatty acids. These are found in deep-fried foods, and in the hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated fats used in margarine, and in most baked or packaged foods.
* Increase your intake of a vital type of EFA's - omega-3's - by:
o Eating omega-3 rich fish (salmon, mackerel, trout, or sardines)
o Using flax oil in salad dressings and other nonfrying oil uses. You can meet your daily needs with about 1 tablespoon of flax oil; it is also available in capsules at health food stores.
o Taking about 1000 milligrams of a fish oil supplement that has been checked for purity; usually, there will be someone at the health food store that knows about the purity of their supplements. For most mothers, this is the simplest way to consume adequate omega-3s. (Some people prefer flax oil to fish oil due to being a vegetarian.

Unfortunately, many people lack some of the enzymes or co-factors needed to convert flax oil into the long-chain fatty acids your body needs, which already exist in fish oil. If you do choose to use flax oil, make sure you're taking a good multi-vitamin/multi-mineral supplement as well, for the co-factors it contains.)
o Using a gamma-linolenic acid (GLA) supplement if you have symptoms that suggest a deficiency, such as premenstrual tension, eczema, or arthritis. You can find GLA in supplements of primrose, borage, or black currant oil. Daily suggested doses are given on the labels.

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Eating Right

I want to set a good example for my children about eating right, but honestly, it's hard to find time for anything but "convenience" foods and snacks. Plus I'd love to get rid of some of the extra pounds I've acquired since having kids.

There are lots of easy ways for a busy mom to get good nutrition that will help her kids develop healthy eating habits, plus help her keep up her energy and mood, ward off disease, and lose a few pounds in the process.

Think of it like a DAILY recipe with seven ingredients:

1. Eight to twelve ounces of protein - Protein is chock full of the amino acids that are crucial building blocks for your body and your brain chemistry; protein also helps regulate blood sugar so your day is less of a rollercoaster.Eat 3-4 ounces of protein (about the size of a deck of cards) at every meal, especially breakfast. When you want something sweet, have some protein instead, like a hard-boiled egg, hummus on crackers, or a piece of sliced turkey; that will satisfy your hunger and keep your blood sugar on an even keel.

2. Five to seven servings of fresh vegetables, and one to two fruits - When you tell your kids to eat their veggies, that means you, too! Fresh vegetables have many more nutrients than ones that are canned, dried, or frozen. Fresh fruits are also filled with vitamins, phytonutrients, and fiber. Try snacking on raw vegetables like carrots or broccoli, having a sweet potato for breakfast, grating carrots or beets into salad, and making a big pot of vegetable soup on the weekend that will last all week

3. Unrefined oils, plus essential fatty acid (EFA) supplements - Refining oils strips out important nutrients and leaves behind the trans-fatty acids that lead to heart disease and other problems. And you need EFA's for a healthy brain and heart. Use virgin olive oil or oils clearly marked as "unrefined." Take a EFA fish oil supplement that states on the bottle that it contains no heavy metals.

4. Two to five servings of unrefined, varied whole grains - Refined grains like white flour, pasta, and white rice lack key nutrients, and they also convert quickly to sugars in your body, straining an insulin system that is already challenged by your daily stresses. Get your carbohydrates from other sources (e.g., nuts, bananas, yams), replace white flour with good-tasting whole wheat pastry flour or rice flour, and try not to bring home convenience foods made with white flour.

5. Organic foods whenever possible - Organic foods have more nutrients (especially minerals) and no toxic chemicals. Since toxins concentrate in breast milk, eating organic is especially important for a nursing mother. These days, you can get almost any food you like from an organic source, whether it's at a health food store or your local supermarket. Don't drive yourself crazy to eat organic all the time; just shift in that direction as much as you can.

6. High potency nutritional supplements - Take multivitamin-multimineral supplements; one sign of high-quality is that most minerals are followed by a word ending in -ate, like magnesium citrate. You'll have to swallow four to six supplements a day - which takes a fraction of the time it takes to brush your teeth - because it's impossible to get all the nutrients you need in a single pill smaller than a golf ball. Also take a calcium-magnesium supplement. Good supplements are available at health food stores or our website, www.nurturemom.com.

7. Zero or very little refined sugar - High consumption of sugar is associated with Type II diabetes, weight gain, fatigue, arthritis, migraines, breast cancer, and cardiovascular disease. And sugar depletes the B vitamins, chromium, calcium, magnesium, and copper that a mother needs. So, look at the labels and try to eat no more than 20 grams of sugar a day. Cut out sodas and juice (two soft drinks a day equals 65 pounds of sugar a year!), avoid temptation by not keeping desserts around the home, snack on protein or fresh vegetables, and look for other ways to feel good besides eating sweets.

This column is offered freely to parent-related organizations. If you know of another newsletter that might like to carry it besides the one in which you are reading it now, please encourage that organization to contact Rick Hanson at the email address below. Or just email Rick with the contact info and he will approach the organization.

(Rick Hanson is a clinical psychologist, Jan Hanson is an acupuncturist/nutritionist, and they are raising a daughter and son, ages 12 and 14. With Ricki Pollycove, M.D., they are the authors of Mother Nurture: A Mother's Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships, published by Penguin. You canemail them with questions or comments at info@nurturemom.com; unfortunately, a personal reply may not always be possible.)

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Being Careful with Sugar

I'm so busy that often I'll have coffee for breakfast and then a donut mid-morning. But then I crash a few hours later - plus I'm gaining weight. And I worry about my kids: how to get them to not live for sweets?

The average American today eats over 150 pounds per year of refined sugars - compared to zero pounds during most of human history. High consumption of sugar (and the elevated levels of insulin that come with it) is associated with Type II diabetes, weight gain, bloating, fatigue, arthritis, migraines, lowered immune function, gallstones, obesity, breast cancer, and cardiovascular disease.

Sugar is also depleting, the last thing a mother needs, draining (or disrupting the absorption of) the B-vitamins, chromium, calcium, magnesium, and copper that she needs to manage her increased stresses. Rounding out the bitter aftertastes to all that sweetness, sugar forcefeeds microbes in the digestive tract - which is already vulnerable to infection due to maternal stress - leading to impaired nutrient absorption, diarrhea, gas, or fatigue.

These problems are as relevant for our children as they are for ourselves. For example, obesity and Type II diabetes among children are growing rapidly, and the bad eating habits that lead to these conditions often begin during the preschool years.

Happily - er, sweetly! - there are plenty of things you can do:

* Set a personal goal of eating less than twenty grams of refined sugar a day (about two tablespoons). That's roughly what the average American ate a hundred years ago - and still more than the zero refined sugar our bodies are designed for. But if you have any digestive problems, we think you should eat no more than ten grams a day. Food labels will tell you how many grams of refined sugar a serving contains, and it probably doesn't much matter if it's refined or "natural" (like fructose or honey).
* The easiest way to eat less sugar is to cut out the soda or juice. Two soft drinks a day adds up to ninety grams of sugar: sixty-five pounds of sugar per year. Instead, try carbonated water with a squeeze of lemon or lime, diluted juice, or delicious herbal iced teas.
* Check the labels on packaged foods like breakfast cereal, peanut butter, or spaghetti sauce, and try brands without any sugar.
* Think twice about extra sugar, like a second teaspoon in your coffee, tons of jam on toast, or a second helping of ice cream after dinner.
* By having fewer sweets around for your kids, it will be easier to avoid them yourself. Try not to let them get started on sugar in the first place, so they can still appreciate a juicy apple, bowl of strawberries, or handful of raisins.
* Avoid temptation by not having cookies, candy, ice cream, etc. at home. If you want something for your sweet tooth, purchase a single item. And if you do keep dessert around, try to have only one kind, since we eat more if there's a variety.
* Although the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has judged aspartame (NutraSweet), to be safe, many people have still reported negative reactions, including headaches and depression; a large fraction of the non-drug complaints to the FDA are for aspartame. (Using artificial sweeteners doesn't seem to help people lose weight, either.) We're naturally cautious about man-made molecules for mothers, and an alternative is an extract of the plant, stevia rebaudiana, which tastes intensely sweet in very small amounts, but without any calories. It comes in liquid or powdered form and you can use it just like sugar, including in baking (an advantage over aspartame). Like aspartame, there's an aftertaste, but you'll soon get used to it.
* If you are, like Jan, a chocolate addict, try high-quality unsweetened chocolate. Once you get used to it, it tastes very satisfying. You can melt it, add a couple drops of stevia and a handful of nuts, and make your own candy bar.
* Try to understand the forces that keep you hooked on sugar. For instance, Jan worked with a single mom who ate a huge, double handful of chocolate chips each day. She knew it wasn't healthy, but she said: I know it's not good, but I work hard all day long, and this is about the only thing I do for me. By finding better ways to nurture herself, she was able to cut down on this daily blast of sugar.
* Sugar is the ultimate comfort food, so it's really important to be nice to yourself while you reduce it. And try to think about all the wonderful things you are doing for your body by nourishing it in healthier ways.

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

(Rick Hanson is a clinical psychologist, Jan Hanson is an acupuncturist/nutritionist, and they are raising a daughter and son, ages 12 and 14. With Ricki Pollycove, M.D., they are the authors of Mother Nurture: A Mother's Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships, published by Penguin. You can email them with questions or comments at info@nurturemom.com; unfortunately, a personal reply may not always be possible.)

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Exercise for Busy Moms

There's a saying about exercise: Oh, I do get the urge sometimes. But I just lie down until it passes! Kidding aside, exercise certainly will improve your cardiovascular health, strengthen your immune system, and help prevent obesity and adult-onset diabetes. It brings vitality, energy, and relaxation, lifts depressive feelings, and keeps you trim. None of us really "finds" time for self-care and exercise. We have to MAKE time for them since they're essential to our well-being and health.

You probably already have an idea of what kind of exercise you'd do if you only had the time. And if not, you can get loads of information about exercise in the books or videos in the box, or from personal trainers in your gym or health club. If you've recently had a baby, your OB/GYN can make recommendations about safe and gentle exercises to strengthen stretched-out abdominal muscles or tighten up the pelvic floor; of course, if you have any orthopedic or anatomic problems that interfere with exercise, please consult your doctor or physical therapist for specific suggestions.

Before you dive into a major program, we suggest you take a few days first to do ten to twenty minutes a day of gentle yoga or stretching. And try to do some stretches at the start of any workout; stiff muscles are like sleeping children: they need encouragement and a little time to wake up!

But the real issue is usually how to shoehorn exercise into a day that's already crowded with work and family. Here are some ideas (with a focus on aerobics, not strength training):

* Go for a walk or a run. You can walk by yourself, grab another mom, or-courtesy of modern technology-use a cell phone with a headset to catch up with a friend. Bringing your child in a stroller or in a baby backpack will make it even more aerobic and eliminate the child care problem. Many communities have a group of moms who go for walks together. Or if you're ready to pick up the pace, you can go for a run; you could even bring your child, if you like, by using a baby jogger, a mommy-powered tricycle.
* Ride a bike. Riding is great fun with a child. She can sit behind you in a kid seat, or you can get a cruiser-trailer that hooks on to the end of your bike, and she'll look like a queen in a carriage. If she's old enough to ride on her own, she can come with you, though you'll probably need to drop her off back home midway through your workout.
* Take an aerobics class or use the equipment in a gym. Many gyms now have on-site child care, even for infants. Try to work out a regular schedule with your partner that's truly feasible and not rushed.
* Go for a swim. Swimming is especially good for mothers who have connective tissue problems (due to physical depletion) and need low-impact exercise. If you're not thrilled about showing up in a bathing suit, you can tell yourself you've earned your body the hard way, and that most people are so self-conscious about their own appearance that they're paying hardly any attention to you.
* In the comfort of your home. Many women like to exercise at home while watching a workout video tape. Or get your own treadmill, rowing machine, etc.
* Exercise your mind as well as your body. For a double workout, how about combining aerobics with stress-relief techniques? For instance, try to imagine that a dark cloud of tension leaves when you exhale, and a lovely light of peace and happiness enters when you inhale. You could repeat affirming statements to yourself or listen to an inspiring tape. Or focus on "being here now" and let your attention rest in the sensations of your body or in what you see.


Resources for Exercise
Strollercize: The Workout for New Mothers by Elizabeth Trindade and Victoria Shaw
Kinergetics: Dancing with Your Baby for Bonding and Better Health for Both of You by Sue Doherty
Strong Women Stay Young by Miriam Nelson Real Fitness for Real Women: A Unique Work-Out Program for the Plus-size Woman by Rochelle Rice

(Rick Hanson is a clinical psychologist, Jan Hanson is an acupuncturist/nutritionist, and they are raising a daughter and son, ages 12 and 14. With Ricki Pollycove, M.D., they are the authors of Mother Nurture: A Mother's Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships, published by Penguin. You can email them with questions or comments at info@nurturemom.com; unfortunately, a personal reply may not always be possible.)

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Quick and Easy Protein

What can I do to feel less run down in the afternoon? Maybe I need to eat differently, but I'm so busy here's a typical day: bagel and coffee for breakfast, salad for lunch, granola bar (or leftover peanut butter and jelly sandwich!) for a snack, and spaghetti for dinner.

In general, we recommend our daily Mother Nurture recipe, designed specifically with a mom's nutritional needs in mind. It's comprised of only seven ingredients. In sum, every day you should try to eat:
1. Eight to twelve ounces of protein
2. Five to seven servings of fresh vegetables, and one to two fruits
3. Unrefined oils and essential fatty acids instead of refined or hydrogenated oils, or trans-fatty acids
4. Two to five servings of unrefined, varied whole grains
5. Organic foods whenever possible
6. High potency nutritional supplements
7. Zero or very little refined sugar.

Nutrition is a huge subject, so if there's room here to make just one suggestion about your own diet, it would be this: eat protein at every meal, especially in the morning. That will even out the blood sugar crash we bet you're feeling in the afternoon, and give you energy throughout the day. For a busy mom, good sources of protein include:
# Eggs - If you're in a hurry, hard boil eggs in advance and eat one or two at breakfast.
# Fish - Salmon contains high levels of the essential fatty acids every mother needs. Besides eating it fresh, you can find salmon jerky in many health food stores. Try to minimize fish at the top of the ocean food chain - like tuna, shark, or swordfish - because mercury and other toxins increase as you move up the chain.
# Lean meat - For convenience, many health food stores sell different kinds of tasty "jerkies" made from beef or turkey, but without any nitrites.
# Nuts - Almonds are particularly high in protein; almond butter on a rice cake topped with apple slices is a delicious and healthy breakfast.
# Soy - You can add soybeans to stews or soups, or toss tofu chunks into your stirfry or casseroles. Try replacing half or more of the wheat flour with soy flour. Soymilk comes in many flavors, and you may be surprised to find that your children really like it.
# Hummus - This Middle Eastern food is made from garbanzo beans and sesame seeds. You can buy it in most supermarkets or make your own, lower-fat version.
# Protein shakes - If you are going to use these regularly, alternate types of protein powder (such as whey-, soy-, or egg-based) to get a good variety.
# Dairy products - Although milk, cheese, and yogurt are good sources of protein, they are best consumed in moderation because many people have an allergy to milk or cannot digest the lactose in it, and keeping the digestive tract in good shape is a top priority for a mother. If you have trouble with dairy, goat milk products may be tolerable.
# Combining vegetarian foods - If you're a vegetarian, you probably know about using food combinations (like rice and beans) for maximum protein. (Diet for a Small Planet or Laurel's Kitchen offer good introductions to this subject.) Since meat is the only significant source of iron and vitamin B12 in the diet, a vegetarian should usually take these as part of a daily supplement.

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Dealing With Your Anger

Sometimes I get so mad at my kids! I'm under enough pressure as it is. First, they don't do what I say and I get a little mad, then they fuss and I get madder and start yelling, voices get louder and louder, and finally they start screaming -- which sends me over the top. Sometimes I'll just lose it, pick them up and drop them on their bed, slam their bedroom door, and scream at them myself. Yes, they were misbehaving but I feel bad afterwards. And sometimes the first look in their eyes when they see me has fear in it, like they are wary.


Getting really mad at the kids is a universal experience for parents, but not one that many feel comfortable talking about. I appreciated your willingness to break the taboo and be open about the topic. You are not alone. Children stir up powerful feelings, including anger.

Anger is normal
It is OK for children to see their parents get angry, whether at them, each other -- or Uncle Sam! Anger is a normal emotion.

On the one hand, adult anger can be scary and overwhelming for kids. We are so much bigger, we have tremendous power over them, and they desperately need and love us. Imagine that there is a powerful amplifier that connects your voice to your children's ears.

Yet on the other hand, acting like you are not angry when you really are is inauthentic and teaches children to falsify themselves -- not a good lesson. There is a difference, though, between what we feel and what we actually do. Being openly angry yet handling it with restraint, responsibility, and skill is a great model for children.

Prevent angry encounters
There is a predictable, even ritualized quality to many angry interactions. This can help us anticipate and prevent angry encounters. For example, explain early on to your kids what is coming and what you want them to do. Be organized yourself. Choose your battles wisely and don't struggle over little things. Pay attention to food and rest (your own as well!). Separate siblings that are guaranteed to squabble.

Be credible in your parental power. Do not make threats you don't fulfill. For example, if your kids know that you won't tolerate ridiculous squabbling, they will be less likely to do it in the first place.

Intervene early and decisively
Intervene early and decisively in escalating interactions. Often one sees relatively feeble efforts at parental control building up to an explosive crescendo. If you do not exceed the necessary threshold to get your children to act appropriately, your intervention will make little difference. Study the situation a moment before you react, and then be calm, clear, and sufficiently powerful. Avoid the crescendo by being effective early on.

Restrain angry expression
As much as you can, have reality be the consequence, not you. If you tell your daughter not to eat the brownie until after dinner, and she nibbles at it anyway, it's better for her to lose the brownie than get yelled at.

Criticize the behavior, not the person.

And don't go into rages. Raging at kids can become a very bad habit. It is very frightening to them, verges on emotional abuse, and undermines a parent's credibility and moral authority. Above all else, do not be violent. The dropping on the bed you describe definitely sounds 'over the top.'

Imagine that you have an internal regulator which slows down your reactions. Imagine yourself in an angry situation and visualize handling it calmly and well.

Deal with your stress
You speak of all the pressure you are under. Don't take it out on the kids. It's not their fault that you are stressed. Do things to lower your stress level overall. Work things out better with your spouse. Talk with friends. Try one of A.P.P.L.E.'s great parenting classes or support groups.

Understand yourself
Examine yourself and how you typically deal with anger. By understanding your anger you can insert self-control into processes that are currently unconscious and automatic, and based on old learning that doesn't apply to your current situation.

Notice what especially triggers your anger. Maybe it is the big one picking on the little one, or challenges to your authority, or voices rising, or issues around meals or leaving the house. Study these triggers; there is a good chance that there is something in the anger trigger from your own childhood.

Be aware of your background thoughts. Listen closely and you may be surprised to hear what your mind is quietly murmuring.

Be aware of the dynamics of your anger. Do you swing from over-giving, maybe with a too-tight smile and slightly squeezed voice, to feeling drained and blowing up? Are you controlled -- and then explosive?

Look into your underlying motivations. Sure we want to be less angry, but sometimes an unwanted condition has hidden rewards to it that make it hard to change. What might be the rewards for you in your angry style? Does anger give you a sense of power? Is it a familiar ritual that enables you to blow off tension? Does it give you a feeling of being back in control of situations that you have let get out of hand?

Sometimes we have a backlog of anger from other situations that get transferred to our kids. Kids are lightning rods for anger. Is there any anger at your spouse or work situation floating around? It is worth dealing with that anger very directly, through discussions with the relevant people and/or professional help.

In particular, anger from our own childhood (our anger as well as that of our parents) can be reactivated by our kids. The familiar situation of an angry parent calls up that old anger, except this time we are the parents. It can feel sometimes like we are 'channeling' mom or dad, and doing things to our own kids that cut us to pieces when our parents did them to us. This is a particularly good topic for professional help.

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Getting More Sleep

Our twins are one year old, but they are still wakng up a lot at night, and it usually falls to me to deal with them. What can I do before I go out of my mind with sleep deprivation?

Loss of sleep is a major reason why many mothers of young children feel depleted; besides wearing you out, sleep deprivation robs the brain of certain substances you need for health and well-being.

Some suggestions:

* Make sure your kids don't have any health problems, like allergies, that could be waking them up.

* Explore approaches like the family bed or the Ferber method to get your children to sleep through the night. But pick a method that suits you and your family rather than be pressured into some one-size-fits-all approach.

* If you're home with the babies, take naps during the day when they do instead of turning to housework. Your health is more important than a tidy home!

* Negotiate with your partner to take over more of the night-time parenting. With expressed breastmilk or formula, there is no reason a dad can't handle at least half of those duties. If you're a stay-at-home mom, your day-time job is at least as hard and as important as his is, and the same is obviously true if you go off to work.

* Adjust dad's sleep schedule so he goes to bed earlier with you and the babies and then can get up with the kids in the morning when they're typically easier to handle while you get an extra hour's sleep.

If you stick with it, you'll definitely get more sleep!

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